Date Your Job

You may already feel like you spend more time at work than with loved ones. But “dating” your job doesn’t mean spending even more time on it or choosing work over everything else. I’m talking about the state of mind you bring to your work.

Sitting on the train to my office, I go over the day’s to-do list in my head. I’m in a practical, logistical state of mind today. The morning started with a conversation with my partner about bills and tasks for the builder. Our goodbye kiss was distracted, functional—I wasn’t present. I was already mentally at my desk. I wasn’t in a bad mood, just disconnected.

Looking at my phone, I notice two categories of tasks: the “should-dos” and the “passion projects.” In the first category are things like editing a document, reviewing next year’s project spreadsheets, and catching up on emails. In the second are tasks that light me up: creative brainstorming about what shape we want our work life to look like next year, editing my new manuscript, writing about inspiring client experiences. Yet, like so many of us, I feel I have to get through the “should-dos” before I earn the reward of the passion projects—like finishing your dinner before dessert.

But here’s what I reflected on this morning: my “should” list will never end; it grows while I sleep, while I’m tackling other items on the list. Waiting to “finish” it before diving into the projects that light me up, means I’ll never get to what matters most, a place to dream, a place to discover new things, a direction that drops me out of my personal thinking into a quiet space of wonder.

This morning, I decided to lean into “I love” instead of “I should.”

When we have that balance, work becomes both energizing and fulfilling. Staying close to the reason we chose our work brings fresh inspiration, energising us through projects, fueling new ideas, and guiding our conversations. If we live only in logistics, we risk losing that spark. It’s the same in romantic relationships. I know my partner and I are “off track” when our conversations only revolve around bills, repairs, schedules, and “sensible ideas” for time together instead of “what would make us feel magical?”

After years together, if I want to rediscover curiosity and joy, I go back to dating my partner. Dating reminds me we’re both here out of choice, that there’s something surprising and nourishing between us when we’re open and clear-minded.

Here’s the twist: after spending the morning on work I love, even the logistics feel different—they’re no longer “chores” but parts of a larger, more meaningful picture.

So, date your job. If you feel you’re stuck in the humdrum of “shoulds” and “have-tos,” take a step back. Start fresh. Let the heavy thinking go and reconnect with what you love about your work. Learn about it all over again. Don’t assume; don’t rush. Be curious. Listen well. Be open to what you may have missed—and maybe even fall in love with your work all over again.

Lila Turner